


Supergirl Ficlets

by kg1507



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alex Danvers & Lena Luthor Friendship, Angst, Crisis on Infinite Earths Crossover Event (CW DC TV Universe), Female Friendship, Friendship, Gen, Kara Danvers & Lena Luthor Friendship, Kara Danvers Needs a Hug, Kara Danvers-centric, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor-centric, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Lena Luthor-centric, POV Kara Danvers, POV Lena Luthor, Short One Shot, SuperCorp
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-23
Updated: 2020-01-23
Packaged: 2020-05-16 05:48:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 5,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19311886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kg1507/pseuds/kg1507
Summary: Just somewhere for me to throw random one-shots. Mostly focusing on Kara and Lena post-reveal.UPDATED#9 - Back to the Start (spoilers for 5x11)





	1. "Do you think you could ever forgive me? Not now, but one day?"

Lena pauses, thinking over the question. She purposely stays quiet for a few moments longer than necessary, letting Kara wring her hands in silent anguish. Finally she speaks.

"I don't know."

The silence that follows is deafening. Kara feels her chest tighten, uncomfortable at first and as the seconds pass it becomes painful, and she knows she has to take a breath, but the girl who can breathe ice cannot feel her own lungs. She swallows a knot in her throat and nods her head, meeting Lena's cold stare.

"Ok." She waits another moment, hoping to see a glimpse of a smile, a hint of softness in her eyes, something to let Kara know that she hasn't lost her best friend for good. There is none.

Kara feels a sudden wave of nausea wash over her and her legs feel numb as she walks to the balcony of Lena's office. As soon as Kara's back is facing Lena, she feels the first warm tear escape from her quickly filling eyes. Her voice is low and gravelly as she forces herself to speak.

"I will always be here for you, if you decide you want me to be. You're my best friend... that was never part of the lie."

She's fully dressed as Kara Danvers as she launches herself into the sky, but she doesn't care. She flies up, higher, faster, her tears dissipating into the wind as she lets herself cry in the one place where no one can find her.

Thousands of feet below, Lena watches the spot where Kara disappeared into the clouds, and she cries too.


	2. “Running away isn’t nearly as easy as they say”

It's the little things she misses the most.

Her phone is always eerily silent now, no more "good morning!" texts to wake her up, no more "see you tomorrow!" messages before she closes her eyes for the night. The group chats she hasn't had the heart to delete sit in her inbox, the last notification reading:  _ Lena left the group at 3:46a.m.  _ It's been a month since anyone has contacted her with anything more personal than board meeting times and pressing appointments to promote her new Luthor VR tech, a virtual world catered to any individual's needs, desires, and fantasies. The numbers were promising, shareholders were clamoring to be in business with her, and all Lena could think about lately was how she had absolutely no one to share the news with. But that had been the whole point, right? People were unreliable, selfish, messy. A machine could be programmed to do everything a real person couldn't; it would never lie, never abandon, never hurt you. Lena would make sure of it.

But still.

She missed game nights. She missed lunches out and dinners in, Kara and Alex and her on the floor of Kara's apartment, eating cookie dough straight from the tube and drinking too much wine, talking all night until the first rays of light illuminated the city below. She missed conversation that wasn't laden with business propositions and carefully drafted legal contracts.

She missed hugs, and the warmth that came with them - As cold as Lena had become, she hadn't managed to shove that particular emotion into her little boxes, not yet anyway.

She'd made it clear that she wanted nothing more to do with any of them. As far as she was concerned, they had all kept her in the dark.  _ It wasn't their secret.  _ **_They all laughed at you behind your back._ ** _ They were protecting her.  _ **_From you._ ** _ They didn't trust me…  _ **_They never did._ ** Honestly, she thought they would have put up more of a fight. Kara must have told them about their disastrous conversation, moments after accepting her Pulitzer, and like a good little troop they'd followed their ringleader. Was it any real surprise that they would take Kara's side over hers?  **_They could've fought for you._ ** _ I told them to leave me alone.  _ **_And now you are. It's better this way._ ** It was. It would be. Wouldn't it? No, she wouldn't doubt herself now. Kara and her little family had made their choice, and Lena had made her own.

Lena buried herself back into her paperwork, forcing herself to regain her focus. She planned on moving forward, with a bold new plan that was going to change the world for the better. There was no comfort in nostalgia, no point in looking back when the future was so bright. It had to be. There was no other choice.


	3. All these powers, and yet...

The balcony was gone.

Kara stared with utter confusion, feeling like all the oxygen had been sucked from her lungs as she floated mid-air. The sounds of the city below faded to nothing - all she could hear was the thudding of her heart and the shakiness of her breath as she tried to make sense out of what she was seeing, or rather, what she __wasn’t__ seeing. Kara wondered for a brief moment if she had somehow confused the L-Corp building for another, but that was absurd - the number of hours she had spent here tallied too high for her to make that kind of mistake, no matter how anxious she was feeling right now. This was definitely L-Corp, and that was definitely Lena’s office, but… how in the __hell__ did she manage to get rid of an entire balcony in a matter of days?

To say that their last interaction had ended badly would be… an understatement. Kara knew she had screwed up - she should’ve told Lena ages ago, she’d __wanted__  to tell her, but… telling Lena the truth meant admitting that she’d been lying, to her face, for years. It meant fessing up to being two people at once, trying to keep her from connecting the dots. It meant breaking her best friend’s heart, which was the last thing she’d ever wanted to do. How ironic, that it was also the only inevitable outcome for her choices.

There was one other reason, one that Kara had never admitted to anyone but herself. To the public, she was Supergirl: Alien, hero, with powers most people could only dream of possessing. To her friends and family who were in the know, she was Kara Zor-El: Cousin of Superman, adoptive sister from another planet, powerful being with abilities that could be counted on to keep everyone safe, all the time, no matter what. To everyone in her life, she was the girl from Krypton. To Lena, she was just… Kara Danvers. Reporter. Confidant. Friend. In Lena’s eyes, Kara didn’t need powers to be super, and that made her feel more worthy than all the praise of National City combined. She knew it was selfish, but Kara hadn’t wanted to lose that feeling.   

She swallowed thickly, feeling her throat constrict with the movement as a gentle breeze picked up around her. She glanced around, even though she knew there was nothing except a few birds to bear witness, and began to use her x-ray vision on the building’s interior. She immediately felt pain hit the back of her eyes and averted her gaze quickly. Her sight would have cleared again after a few seconds if they hadn’t filled with tears, blurring the world around her. Lena had lined the walls with lead, too.

Before they had parted, Lena had told Kara to stay away from her. In the moment, Kara had thought she’d meant temporarily. She knew Lena was mad, and some hurtful things had been said when she’d confronted Kara, but she didn’t think Lena had meant them, or meant her to stay away forever. Apparently she’d been wrong, and the proof was right in front of her face.

Kara was tempted to switch to civilian clothes and try to get in through the door, the normal way, but her instincts told her that was a bad idea. Lena had sent a very clear message, and she felt that the least she could do was respect her wishes even though her heart felt like it was breaking in her chest. She lingered a moment longer, wanting nothing more than to make things right, frustrated and helpless because Lena wasn’t giving her the chance to try. As Kara turned away, she bleakly wondered if Lena would ever give her that chance, or if she would force Kara to live with her guilt for the rest of her life. As much as she wanted to believe that things would change with time, and that Lena would come around, Kara felt a deep sense of dread in the pit of her stomach that told her otherwise. All these powers, and in the end, she could do nothing but silently fly away as the building cast a harsh shadow in her wake.


	4. Every dream is different. Sometimes she's screaming. Sometimes she dies without a sound.

The world doesn't mourn her. It's too soon for that - they don't even know she's gone yet. No one realizes how close their universe was to being wiped from existence, no one except for the handful of people responsible for saving it. When the dust settled, the inhabitants of their Earth experienced a lingering feeling of something akin to that of a close call, not understanding why they should feel this way, but that’s the extent of the effects of the Crisis. Crime has been down worldwide these last two weeks, as if humanity has collectively decided that trouble is not worth stirring up for the time being. It won't last, but for now Supergirl's absence is not noted by the public.

It is, however, noted by those who know the truth: Supergirl is dead, and she died saving them all from a fate the world will never know about.

Lena sits on the floor, running her thumb across the face of her Super-watch, turning it over and over in her hand as she stares blankly out the window of her balcony. Her apartment, normally neat as a pin, is in ruins: shattered glass covers the floor, furniture is upended and slashed, expensive decor tattered and broken in a fit of rage. Her normally porcelain skin is practically white and drawn, sorrow painfully accenting her sharp features. Her eyes are red and swollen from countless tears and lack of sleep, empty and lifeless. She can't stand to close them for even a moment; the lids of her eyes are a canvas, vividly painting the picture of Kara's final moments every time she blinks. She is haunted both day and night by the sounds of war and the eerie silence that followed when it was all over, a hollow victory that felt more like defeat. More than anything else, Lena is afraid to sleep because of the dreams.

_ "Don't you see, "Supergirl?" Or are you just as blind as my dear little sister?” _

_ Sound travels differently in the Anti-Matter Universe. Each word has a slight echo, tinged with an undertone of distortion like radio static. Lex’s voice has an edge that feels like razors on her skin, cutting her deeper and deeper.  _

_ “Lena played you like a harp, plucking the right strings, playing to your guilt until she had you practically begging to do her dirty work for her. Did you really believe all had been forgiven? Or were you just so desperate for redemption that your naive little brain couldn't imagine a scenario where you didn't end up on top?” _

_ It’s so much colder here. Her Luthor-Suit is the only thing protecting her from hypothermia. Lex is unfazed, but Supergirl is shaking. It’s not from the cold. _

_ “She's been plotting your downfall for months, and it's time you saw what was in front of your face this whole time - Lena is a Luthor, right down to her very marrow, and no amount of love or friendship can change our nature." _

_ Lena wants to scream but her voice is gone. Kara lifts her head and meets her gaze and Lena knows she has done what she set out to do so many months ago - she’s broken the Girl of Steel. Kara blinks and her tears float up into the air rather than fall to the ground, but her eyes hold no malice as they look at Lena - there is only pain, and a grim look of understanding that guts Lena to her core. It is at that moment that Lena realizes just how much of a mistake she’s made, how clouded her vision has been. She wants to scream out, “I didn’t want this, I never wanted this, I see that now - please, believe me just one more time,” but she can’t, and Kara will never know how sorry she is. _

_ There is a change of scenery and Lex is gone, but a battle is raging around her. The sky burns, blood-red bolts of lightning cover the expanse, and there is a horrible whining that fills the air. A bright flash of light, an explosion of sound, and Kara is shoving Lena out of the path of the Anti-Monitor, her Luthor-Suit protecting her as she hits the ground. When she looks up, Lena sees a ball of fire engulfs Kara’s body, a sound like bloody murder pierces her ears, and then the world goes dark. _

The dream is supposed to end there, but it doesn’t.

_ Lena stumbles in the shadowy void, disoriented and terrified. She cups her hands over her ears, blocking sound before it has a chance to reach her. She can’t bear the screaming again - she just can’t. It’s too much. But she knows it’s coming, it always does. _

_ She turns around and Kara lies there on the ground, her body broken and battered. Her limbs and face are a bloody pulp. Lena kneels down and takes her hand, ice cold and lifeless, but Kara isn’t gone. She stares at Lena, her face expressionless and empty despite her wounds. Lena squeezes her hand and her mouth moves with words that neither of them can hear in this desolate place, and then Kara turns her head away and disintegrates before Lena’s eyes. _

Lena wakes up with a jolt, her throat raw from screaming. She is soaked with sweat and her clothes stick to her skin. She can smell the sickly scent of fear and she shivers as the moisture cools on her body. She scrambles for the watch, the familiar weight of it a small comfort in her hands. She flips the face up, revealing the button concealed beneath. She presses it over and over again until the tears flow anew, her heart breaking all over again. Every dream is different. Sometimes Kara is screaming, sometimes she dies without a sound. 

Lena doesn’t know which is worse.

* * *

 


	5. Regrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It is better to look ahead and prepare than to look back and regret.” - Jackie Joyner-Kersee

Kara could leave if she wanted to.

There's not enough kryptonite laced in the walls of her prison to kill her, not even enough to really hurt her. There's no nails in her blood, no searing skin, nothing like the pain she's experienced from long-term exposure in the past. Her stomach aches and rolls with nausea and her heart races, but she can't tell if it's from the kryptonite or her panic attack or both. She still has the strength needed to break free - a few well-placed punches and a blast of heat vision would shatter the ice, she could undo the protocols that had been changed and escape in minutes, away from the stale air and confining walls that feel like they're closing in on her with every passing minute.

Kara  _ could _ leave, if she really wanted, but she doesn't want to.  _ You don't deserve to escape this.  _ A voice whispers over and over again.  _ You need to feel what she felt, and know what it did to her.  _ Her guilt and shame cuts and tears into her like a dagger, in a way that kryptonite could never compare.

All she can hear is Lena's voice, low and angry and so bitterly sad. When she closes her eyes, all she can see is the look in Lena's, how they transitioned from two emotionless pools into a raging tidal wave, threatening to drown them both with the force of her fury. Tears stream down Kara's face now, blurring her world into shades of blue and white and tinges of green that burn a fiery trail down her cheeks, and she wonders to herself how she could've been so blind, so naive, so  _ desperate  _ to think that all had been forgiven so easily, after everything Lena had been through in her life since the day she became tied to the Luthor name.

**_Don't you realize what you've done?_ **

Kara slides to the floor, her face crumbling as she leans her head against the icy wall, letting herself cry unashamedly and without reserve as the dam within the girl of steel breaks.

_ I should’ve seen it. I should’ve known. I should’ve looked closer. Why didn’t I look closer? _

It’s painful beyond words, but Kara forces herself to relive every conversation over the last few months, every moment since the night Lex died, and she finally notices the moments that hadn’t registered before, the ones that should have been red flags all along: Smiles that never quite reached Lena’s eyes, those little comments that had seemed harmless but were actually dripping with sarcasm and disdain, hugs that were too loose, too restrained, like she couldn’t stand to touch her. Kara had been so focused on the fact that her secrets were no longer a source of burden for her that she  _ hadn’t  _ realized (or had been in such deep denial) that she had chosen to ignore what was right in front of her all this time.

**_And all the while, there wasn’t a single honest moment in our friendship._ **

Kara feels her breathing change, her chest constricting as the air grows thinner and her hands start to shake. It’s not the claustrophobia, or the kryptonite - it’s the thought that Lena truly believes she had been played from the moment they met, that Kara never cared about her, never loved her, not once in four years. She wants to scream, to beat the earth with her fists until she goes numb from this pain, this absolute agony that feels like it’s ripping her heart in two.

_ It’s not true It’s not true It’s not true - _ She repeats over and over again as the tears run faster, each one digging a deeper trench as they drip down her chin. Her fingernails bite into the skin of her palms, drawing little half-moon shapes of blood that pulse with the beating of her heart. If this is how Lena has felt all this time, all her life, Kara can’t imagine how her best friend has managed to survive. She can shoot fire from her eyes, lift the heaviest substances on Earth and throw down with the toughest metahumans and aliens alike, but Kara knows now that her strength is nothing compared to Lena’s, powers or no powers. She has never felt weaker, and it has nothing to do with the kryptonite.

_ How? How can I make her see? How do I make her understand? _

And then it hits her, all at once like a comet barrelling into her at full speed. She can’t. She tried that once before, at the Pulitzer ceremony - as sincere and heartfelt as her apology was, it wasn’t going to be enough. No amount of apologizing was going to fix what had been broken - Kara saw that now. She could spend the rest of her life trying to explain her choices away, giving excuse after excuse, even her reaffirmations of love and friendship weren’t going to change Lena’s mind. Words wouldn’t fix this rift that had opened up between them - only actions would prove to Lena that their friendship was not and never had been a lie.

Kara wiped her eyes with the back of her hands, wiped the blood from her palms and stood up tall. This was not who she was. Kara Zor-El didn’t give up on her friends and family, nor did she indulge herself in extended pity parties - not anymore. She was stronger than this, she knew it deep in her bones despite the pain she felt, but she refused to let it rule her or cause her to lose hope. Lena was worth fighting for, their friendship was worth fighting for, and Kara would keep fighting as long as she had to in order to prove it.

Kara took a deep breath, determination blazing in her eyes as she punched the wall in front of her with a force that shook the fortress surrounding her. She alternated punches with each fist, shooting beams of heat vision in the fissures they created and ignored her screaming muscles and the way her bones throbbed each time she came in contact. None of that mattered - she would feel the sun on her skin soon enough.

Kara screamed a final time and gave one last mighty punch, and the walls shattered around her in a glittering display of snow and ice. She didn’t waste time resetting the fortress and instead used her speed to exit the caves before any other security measures could counteract, and she burst into the sky up, up, up into the clouds until she could feel her strength returning, her bones mending, her hope rejuvenating. She closed her eyes and allowed herself one last tear before shaking her head in resolve. So long as she had breath in her lungs and strength in her heart, she could bear the pain she felt right now. Lena may have lost faith in Kara, but Kara would never lose faith in her - not now, not ever, and she would fight tooth and nail to prove that until her dying day, if that’s what it came to.

Kara flew, letting the wind dry her eyes and propel her towards home. As the fortress disappeared behind her  into a cloud of fog, Kara knew there was no point in looking back or wishing she could change the past - all she could do was move forward.


	6. All great things worth having require great sacrifice worth giving.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All great things worth having require great sacrifice worth giving.  
> -Paullina Simons

It happens so quickly that Lena barely has time to react. She just manages to raise one hand to cover her eyes from the blinding light of the Anti-Monitor's attack, waiting for the inevitable to happen, but not before she sees the flash of red and blue that blocks her vision and a blur turns into a silhouette, shielding her from certain death. There is a curdling scream that shakes the very ground they stand on, a deeper, more masculine sound of defeat, and then - silence.

Lena drops her hand, shaking with fear, and her eyes refocus. Kara is standing before her, her back turned, and the Anti-Monitor is nowhere to be seen. Before Lena can comprehend what has just happened, Kara’s body sways precariously and she lets out a soft sigh before collapsing to the ground in one fluid motion.

Lena’s response is immediate; she rushes towards Kara, falling to her knees, forgetting that their friendship was a lie, and in that moment she doesn’t think about her anger, or the hurt that’s been festering for months. She just reacts on pure instinct.

“Supergirl?” Lena almost utters her true name, but catches herself before she can get it out. She doesn’t touch her, even though her fingers twitch in protest.

Kara’s eyes open slowly and she tries to take a breath, only managing a weak wheeze that rattles in her chest. “Lena...” The air leaks out of her lungs, and she coughs a thick stream of blood that colors the dusty ground beside her.

Lena reacts without thinking again, trying to prop Kara’s head to keep her from choking, but Kara shakes her head no. She has no outward wounds on her body, no blood on her suit indicating that she’s been injured, but something is very wrong with her despite the lack of visible damage, something internal that cannot be seen.

Lena feels mounting panic as she sits there, helpless to do anything except watch as Kara slips further and further out of consciousness. “Why did you do that?” Lena whispers. “ _Why_ would you do that?”

Kara’s eyes fill with tears and she touches ice-cold fingers to Lena’s hand; it takes an enormous amount of effort. She meets Lena’s confused gaze, thrown off her guard at such a selfless act, and Kara gives her a small, sad smile. Her words are stilted, painful, as she replies, “How could I not? You’re...my best friend, and I would rather die...having you know that... than live... knowing you never believed it.”

A full second of shock passes before Lena’s facade breaks and she sobs, her heart shattering along with her hatred and her bitterness as she grasps Kara’s hand in her own. It takes another full second before she registers that the hand that holds Kara’s is connected to the wrist that houses Lex’s transmatter portal watch. She has no idea if it will work on this desolate planet, so far from home, but she’ll be damned if she’s not going to at least try.

Lena is not a religious woman, but as she flips the face of the watch up and presses the button, she finds that she is praying with a fever to rival the saints. She cries with relief as the portal appears, as strong and stable as if they were still on Earth and not this barren wasteland. She loops one of Kara’s arms around her shoulders, hoisting her up off the ground with every ounce of strength she possesses. Kara tries to help, attempting to stabilize her feet on solid ground, but the effort it takes is enough to pose a very real risk of blacking out. Lena feels her start to fall again and staggers before finding her footing again. She repositions herself so that Kara has both arms wrapped around Lena’s neck and takes the full weight of her onto her back.

“Stay with me, Kara,” Lena pants. She drags her best friend inch by inch, determination fueling every step. “Let me save you one more time.” Kara doesn’t reply, but Lena can hear the raspy sounds coming from her chest and feels the slight press of her hand on her collarbone in silent encouragement. It’s only a few feet to the portal. They can make it. For the first time in months, Lena has no doubt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two ficlets in one week - can you guys tell 5x07 broke me?


	7. This Too, I Shall Endure...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heroism is endurance for one moment more. - George F. Kennan
> 
> Spoilers for Hour 1 of Crisis on Infinite Earths

It’s been hours since the ships landed, hours of walking through this small patch of city, and yet it feels like days have passed. She and Alex do their best, tending to the dozens of ships and their passengers that have made the outskirts of Star City their temporary home, but there is little they can do to calm them. Most of them refuse to leave the vehicles that brought them here, even though relief camps have been set up in the hours since the exodus from their homeworld. Some of them are suffering heavily from the knowledge that there  _ are  _ other worlds, and most of the help Lena offers is met with blank, glass-eyed stares. She does what she can for them, knowing it’s not enough, and eventually Superman shows up to relieve them. He whisks them away to a bunker where they can rest, but Lena knows none of them will rest easy tonight. There is an awkward moment when she and Alex part ways, each of them heading off to their own destinations - Lena to whatever passes for a science lab here, and Alex to find her sister. It’s Lena who finds her first.

She stops dead in her tracks as she catches sight of her, alone. Lena stands just outside of the doorway and Kara doesn’t see her; her back is turned, and her arms are wrapped around herself as if they are all that’s holding her together. She’s crying, softly, brokenly, and Lena can’t stop herself in time as the word comes unbidden from her throat.

“Kara.”

Kara’s head lifts and she turns around in an instant. Her eyes shine but there is an unmistakable look of pure relief that warms Lena for just a moment. “Lena,” Kara starts towards her, reaching with the intent on embracing her best friend because thank God, thank  _ God _ she made it out in time, but Lena takes a small step backwards and Kara stops short as if she had hit an invisible wall full on. She drops her arms and wraps them around herself again, feeling fresh grief wash over her. She clears her throat, swallowing the rock that lingers there, and looks up at her.

“I’m glad you’re ok.” She says softly. When Lena doesn’t respond, she asks with trepidation, “Alex?”

Lena nods her head and Kara’s shoulders drop with a thankful sigh. “I didn’t lose everyone, then…” She whispers to herself.

Lena can’t stop herself from asking, “What do you mean?” She doesn’t know why she’s still here, why she feels rooted to the spot she stands on when two days ago all she had wanted was for Kara to leave her alone. Now she can’t seem to leave.

Kara takes a shaky breath. “Argo,” She exhales, her voice cracking on the last syllable. “It’s gone. My… my mother… she’s…” Kara tilts her head as fresh tears spill over, avoiding Lena’s gaze as she tries to keep from breaking down, and yet it seems she can’t keep the words from tumbling out either. “I lost my whole world, my family, my people, and then I got a second chance - I found them again, and I just… I watched them die, all over again, and now I know that they’re gone for real this time,” She sobs, “and I just watched a friend die, and I couldn’t do anything to save him, and I don’t know if I’m strong enough to do this. I thought I was, but I can’t… I can’t lose anyone else in my life. I just…” She cuts off, suddenly aware of just how much she’s said and remembering the barriers that have wedged between them in the last few months, keeping them apart in more ways than one. She wipes at her eyes with the sleeve of her uniform and walks towards the doorway where Lena stands frozen.

“I need to find them. They need me. I’m… I’m sorry, I’m so…” Another tiny sob cuts her off again as she bypasses Lena, inches away yet miles apart. Lena instinctively reaches out to touch Kara’s shoulder as she goes but she pulls away at the last moment. Her eyes sting with grief and unshed tears that never seem to run dry after so many months.

“Kara,” Lena calls out, her voice hesitant and unsure. There’s so much she wants to say, so much she wishes could be undone, but how can she forget everything that’s happened without losing the significance of what it’s done to her? How do you forgive when every part of you has grown accustomed to inevitable betrayal all your life?

Lena swallows thickly, her tongue dry and heavy as she fumbles for her words. “I’m… I  _ am  _ sorry, for your loss…” It’s a lame condolence, she knows. In a perfect world she would be able to console her best friend the way she deserves, but this isn’t a perfect world, and Kara was always better at finding the right words to say in times like these.

Kara gives her a brief, painful smile that breaks Lena’s heart more than the tears that trail down her cheeks, and she leaves her there with nothing but the echo of her boots down the hallway in her wake.

Lena lets out a deep, shaky breath that does little to calm her, and for someone who succeeded in saving billions of lives, she feels more useless than ever. Three billion people are out there right now, scared and alone and hurting. Three billion people, and Lena just wants to save one.


	8. Final Moments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *spoilers for Crisis on Infinite Earths Hour 3*  
> Lena and Alex's final moments on Earth-1

The skies of Earth-1 are red and hundreds of people stampede in the streets, desperate to escape the wave of anti-matter that chases them before it’s too late, even though deep down they know it already is. In the refugee camp in Star City, Lena holds her ground as a crowd pushes past her, unable to tear her eyes away from the destruction that pulses towards them. Screams of terror fill the air and no one is coming to save them - not this time.

Alex kisses Kelly one final time, pulling her into a tight embrace as Kelly buries her head in Alex’s shoulder. Brainy and Nia are similarly locked in each others’ arms, waiting for the end rather than wasting precious seconds trying to outrun fate. Lena stands alone, feeling nothing and everything all at once.

She and Alex lock eyes and in that moment the past is forgotten and hurts are forgiven, though no words are spoken aloud. Alex extends one arm and reaches for Lena. Lena takes her hand and nods her head slightly, tears blurring her vision. She is about to die, but at least she won’t die alone.

Alex and Lena face the wave head-on, staring it down with the intensity ingrained since birth, determined to go out with the courage and bravery of the woman who so often reminded them how to be so. As the wave descends on them, Alex pictures her sister, wishing she could hold her one more time and tell her how much she means to her. Lena closes her eyes and sees Kara too, just before the world goes dark, wishing she could do the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quite possibly the shortest thing I've ever written and maybe someday I'll workshop it a little more but for now I'm just gonna let it be a midnight tumblr drabble and wait for January


	9. Back to the Start

“Think about what you want most.”

Lena is alone. Lex has gone, and he left the cube with her. She picks it up, her fingers splayed along the edges. It’s made of some kind of metal, but it feels warm to the touch. She closes her eyes and lets her mind go blank. What does she really want? The cube begins to glow and she slowly opens her eyes again, images begin to project in front of her, a movie reel of her life over the past four years. She sees herself in her office, meeting Clark Kent and Kara Danvers for the first time. The way Kara so earnestly invites her into her life, a lonely woman in a new city. Lunches, drinks, game nights, everyone gathered around her in a happy cluster of love and friendship. She sees herself smiling, joy so palpable in her features that it brings a tear to Lena’s eye. She can almost feel the warmth radiating from that girl’s face, that naive, hopeless little girl who thought she had finally found true happiness and a sense of belonging.

Lena puts the cube down, the images fade into nothingness, and she lays her weary head onto her desk in a rare moment of utter weakness. What does she want most? To go back to the start. 


End file.
